Anna Faszcza

How to Become a Better Listener?

Sad to say, listening skills have long been underestimatedunderestimated [underestimate]underestimated. People have been gaining education in the field ofin the field ofin the field of debating and oratory skillsoratory skills [oratory skill]oratory skills instead, and proving themselves in that area. It seems that even the core curriculum remained silent about how to listen.

Becoming a more attentive listener is not that easy, yet feasiblefeasiblefeasible. And absolutely worth all the effort. Being an active listener covers three main areas: cognitive, emotional and behavioural. The cognitive aspect includes focusing on and comprehending the information and integrating it. The emotional one is about staying calm and empathetic during the discussion. It’s also about being able to manage emotional reactionsmanage emotional reactions [manage an emotional reaction]manage emotional reactions. Finally, the behavioural aspect deals with showing verbal and nonverbal interest in the interlocutorinterlocutorinterlocutor.

However, communication isn't only about exchanging information. If it was, people would automatically convey messagesconvey messages [convey a message]convey messages without comprehending their gistscomprehending their gists [comprehend the gist]comprehending their gists. So what can be done to allow the listener to integrate with the speaker? Actually, there are some precise tips to achieve it!

Be patient and remain silentremain silentremain silent. Everybody must feel secure and ready to share their thoughtsshare their thoughts [share one’s thoughts]share their thoughts. At times it is advisable to assure them about your being trustworthy and unobtrusiveunobtrusiveunobtrusive. Don’t expect the speaker to talk and open up immediately. Some people need more time to reveal their secrets.

Get rid of distractionsget rid of distractions [get rid of a distraction]Get rid of distractions. While talking to somebody, make sure your phone is muted to prevent you from glancing at the screen. Your full attention must be given to the person because otherwise they might get irritated and withdraw from further conversationwithdraw from further conversationwithdraw from further conversation.

Maintain eye contact. If you give an impression that you are deeply involved, the speaker will feel encouraged to carry on.

Try to take your interlocutor’s point of view. It’s not exactly about saying “If I were in your shoes…„ but about understanding the message. Avoid giving advice unless you’re asked for it. It’s better to stay neutralstay neutralstay neutral in most cases.

Show that you really listen. You can do it by repeating or summarising what the speaker just said. That shows you have been truly listening. Don’t be afraid to ask for clarification if you think you misunderstood something. Saying “Correct me if I’m wrong” is not tactless. In fact, on the contrary, it proves you try to follow the speaker’s thought processspeaker’s thought processspeaker’s thought process.

Steer clear ofsteer clear ofSteer clear of comparing the person’s experiences to your own. Sharing your struggles may result in you talking and not listening. By saying “I”, “ you might  draw attention todraw attention todraw attention to yourself, which obviously is not the point.

Prove you have been listening actively. Once in a while recall some fact, which was mentioned by your speaker and  is connected with the situation. That will surely show how much you are acquainted with the caseare acquainted with the case [be acquainted with the case]are acquainted with the case.

Use body language. Nodding your head or turning your body towards the speaker will be the signs of your being interested in the talk. Don't cross your arms or legs, though. You don’t want to look sceptical, do you?

Being a good listener is indeed one of the most vital skills we should learn. Imagine how many conflicts could have been avoided if people had listened attentively to others. It’s worth keeping in mind that actions speak louder than words. In some cases at least.

1 Źródło: Anna Faszcza, licencja: CC BY-SA 3.0.